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Amazon revolutionized the marketplace by making it possible for everyone to review a product.  Naturally, some people abused their newly-found power to have some fun.  Buzzfeed recently posted a collection of 16 hilariously inappropriate reviews; I chose four of them that were particularly book-related for inclusion here.  Enjoy!

How to Avoid Huge Ships

How to Avoid Huge Ships

Ruth Peterkin / shutterstock.com

“I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said ‘How to Avoid Huge SHIPS’. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I’m pleased to say I’m not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they aint getting anywhere near me!”

 

English Grammar for Dummies

English Grammar for Dummies

photo by amazon.com

“When i first come to America, my english did cause me problems. In Soviet Russia i was strong teacher, my english i know is the best in all of Petropavlovsk. My brother, Mikhail, he say to me, “Nikolai you go to America, they make you rich like czar, take many woman as lover, kill many bear”. My brother, he is very wise, is greatest toymaker in all of Russia. So next day i wake up, sell my house, say goodbye to wife and children, and go to America to become millionaire. Then in America, I go to job interview and they say to me “Nikolai, you are not for the job here, you are not the skills we need, your english is poor like child”. I take that man and smash his table, i say “someday i will be greatest man in all of country, your children will wish me their father!”. That day my anger is best of me. It is then i know i must learn better english, so i buy book “English Grammer it is for Dummies” by Mr.Woods. Now i am perfect english grammer! I write letter to Mikhail, he write back “Nikolai, your english is like a god, you will be millionaire soon! all of Petropavlovsk is proud for you! good luck brother! please send letter when you are president or maybe even czar! Hahaha! also, your wife is killed by bear”. So i say thanks to Mr.Woods for his book! When i am czar your family will be spared! Hahahaha! (is joke).”

Where Is Baby’s Belly Button?: A Lift-the-Flap Book

Where Is Baby's Belly Button? : A Lift-the-Flap Book

Tatyana T Tomsickova / shutterstock.com

“This book is completely misleading. The entire plot revolves around finding Baby’s belly button; the title makes this much clear from the beginning. However, there is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby’s belly button is right where it’s suppose to be, on Baby’s stomach. Right where it clearly SHOWS you it is on the COVER OF THE BOOK.

This plot is a complete mess as a result of it’s reliance on the mystery of where the belly button is; everything falls apart the second you realize that the belly button was in plain sight all along. There is no conflict, there is no character development, and there is scarcely any plot. Whoever wrote this book must have a serious error in judgement, because you would have to be an infant to not immediately understand where Baby’s belly button is. This is one of the worst pieces of literature I have ever read.”

BIC for Her Medium Ballpoint Pen

BIC for Her Medium Ballpoint Pen

Designsstock / shutterstock.com

“My husband has never allowed me to write, as he doesn’t want me touching mens’ pens. However when I saw this product, I decided to buy it (using my pocket money) and so far it has been fabulous! Once I had learnt to write, the feminine colour and the grip size (which was more suited to my delicate little hands) has enabled me to vent thoughts about new recipe ideas, sewing and gardening. My husband is less pleased with this product as he believes it will lead to more independence and he hates the feminine tingling sensation (along with the visions of fairies and rainbows) he gets whenever he picks it up.”

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