Following the great titles in my previous posts, Awkward Moments in Children’s Books and More Awkward Moments in Children’s Books, here are some more… erm… unusual book titles, courtesy of the Bored Panda.
Naturally, cats are the very first subject to come to mind, proving that pussies were popular long before the Internet was invented:
You can buy this book here.
Before cat videos took over YouTube, people had to flick through books such as this, to get their daily dosage of feline craziness:
You can buy this book here
Not all cats are equal, though.
And some took the whole cat craze to new levels:
You can buy this book here
Speaking of the divine, this unusual title attempts to put men’s infatuation with sex to good use…
You can buy this book here.
…unlike this one, which just gives up with my gender.
You can buy this book here
Just as suggestive is this quilting guide:
You can buy this book here.
Not to be outdone by Eleanor, Dave Fougner has kindly produced…
You can buy this book here
When not quilting or knitting on your horse, you may get peckish. Before you head into the kitchen, it’s important to remember some basics in human behavior:
You can buy this book here
Even if advice on the subject is contradictory, and the benefits of cannibalism hotly debated.
You can buy this book here
Once you put people off the menu, of course, you realize that you still need to feed yourself. Which requires a job of some sort.
Alternatively, you may decide to grow your own food. Which has a surprising added bonus: you get to learn what makes the fair sex tick. For example, gasoline.
You can buy this book here
The roaring success of the first book led Roger to start a series detailing his love affair with tractors.
You can buy this book here.
Sadly, not every problem in life can be solved with the help of a trusted tractor.
You can buy this book here
Since everything is illegal, you may give up in exasperation and decide you need to… comfort yourself. Just keep in mind that a proper visual aide is invaluable here.
You can buy this book here
If images won’t help, perhaps it’s time to hit the ol’ work bench.
You can buy this book here
Alternatively, you may prefer to give up on sex altogether…
You can buy this book here.
…and burn down the farm.
You can buy this book here.
Before you do, make sure all animals are safe. You never know when they’ll come in handy.
You can buy this book here.
Having no home, you’ll probably end up in the woods, in which case you’ll need this handy guide.
You can buy this book here.
I just hope the stress doesn’t cause any… trouble.
You can buy this book here.
Don’t feel bad, though. After all…
You can buy this book here.
In your loneliness, you may start hearing voices. Fret not. It’s probably just your poo talking to you.
You can buy this book here.
While pooing in the woods, you’d be forgiven for looking at the trees around you and contemplating some of the larger questions troubling humanity:
You can buy this book here.
But, pull up your trousers and take a deep breath. Someone will come to your rescue, surely. A father. A friend. A lover. All of the above.
You can buy this book here.
After all, what’s the alternative? Oh, right. This.
You can buy this book here.
Do not despair, though. Even if you do leave this mortal coil, you have plenty to look forward to.
You can buy this book here.
And if you lack the tools for making your coffin (after all, the trusted work bench has been burned down along with your farm), just be sure to leave your last breath near a cemetery, and the rest should take care of itself.
You can buy this book here.
After checking out all these… unusual books, you may want to have a look at something less controversial. Say, my award-winning children’s book, Runaway Smile, which you can read for free!
jsackmom said:
Oh my gosh I’m giggling and wiping away tears Nicholas! These are epic book titles. 😜
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Hee hee – so glad to hear that 😀
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jsackmom said:
You’re delivery of each title was hilarious and spot on as well. 😉
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Aw, thanks! My little added value 🙂
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jsackmom said:
You’re welcome 😊🌟
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BarbarianWriter said:
I will agree: This whole post is… questionable. 😀
Thanks, once again, for bringing a smile and a chuckle, Nicholas!
(By the way, are these sent to you, or do you dig deep to come up with them? lol)
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Electra sends me some, and I stumble upon others. Then I compile them into posts for your reading pleasure 🙂
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judithbarrow1 said:
Reblogged this on Barrow Blogs: and commented:
No more!! I should not be laughing so hysterically this time in a morning.
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Catherine Mackay said:
Oh my,you’ve moved through a whole gamut of titles here Nicholas – loved the cat ones (ok, busted, I love cats), went down hill with some umm…. suspect sex titles and relationship advise (not sure whether men will really learn anything about women from tractors?????), loved the pooh-bear title (busted again, this is one of my favourite childhood stories) and then plunged into the depths with the after-life and death – lol, I have never been in such hysterics 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Hee hee – so glad to hear it!
Yes, tractors and women don’t normally come together in a conversation. Great, now I have to read that book! 😀
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Catherine Mackay said:
Lol, I think you should resist the temptation to read a book from a man that has learned about women from his tractor – he’s bound to put you wrong with Electra 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
That’s okay. I’ll just have Electra read it and give me the highlights 😀
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Catherine Mackay said:
Lol, that’s sneaky Nicholas, very sneaky – I almost feel sorry for poor Electra reading the thoughts of a man about women, which he has garnered from his tractor. Then again, I daresay the two of you will have a good chuckle together, once she’s given you the highlights – possibly he may have a few pearls of wisdom about relationships, lol 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
I can hardly wait for her to read it now! 😀
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Richard Ankers said:
Where can I order them?
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – there are links underneath each book, aren’t there? I’m eagerly awaiting your reviews 😀
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Richard Ankers said:
😄
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TanGental said:
Slightly worried, Nick, that the most dog eared is the one on masturbation….
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – hadn’t noticed that, but now that you mention it…
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www.ginabriganti.com said:
Please do another one of these posts! They are so funny, and perfect for a read aloud with select people.
Shared to FB.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thank you so much for the share! I’ve run out of titles right now, but I’m sure that the magic of the Internet and the ingenuity of man will provide me with many more in the near future 🙂
Besides, there’s plenty more posts heading your way. Can I hear anyone say, “creepy things kids have said?”
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gpeynon said:
I love the irony that the Pocket Book of Boners is actually a book about unconscious humour.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Hee hee – pun intended?
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gpeynon said:
That’s what I was thinking.
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D.T. Nova said:
Also, what I assume is a “Pocket Book” logo has a book sticking straight up out of a kangaroo’s pouch. (And yes, I know the pouch makes it a female kangaroo.)
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ooh, nice catch!
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philipparees said:
You ARE extraordinary. How do you amass ,collect, theme on an almost daily basis? These were delicious. Mind you if ‘A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian’ by Marina Lewycka could make the best seller charts whose to say these couldn’t?
The death ones remind me of that advertisement ‘Second hand tombstone. Suit family called O’Reilly’
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – I’ll keep it in mind if I ever meet any O’Reillys 😀
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masgautsen said:
Awsome!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Hee hee – thanks 🙂
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beetleypete said:
Another great selection, Nicholas. I am sure that you could compile these into a best-seller! If you click the link to Amazon on ‘Lesbian Horse Stories’, some of the customer reviews are very funny, and clever too.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thanks for the tip! I have to check that out 😀
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Susan said:
Oh, my word – some of these are very funny! Almost unbelievable that people don’t seem to think about the implications before giving their book a title. There’s a lesson for all of us here, I think. Thanks for making me laugh out loud, Nicholas.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
A pleasure! I guess it was a simpler time then 🙂
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Charles Yallowitz said:
I hope the tractor got to tell its side of the story.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – this has got to be the best comment yet 😀
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Charles Yallowitz said:
Thank sleep deprivation for it. 😉
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
See? And you thought sleep deprivation was all bad 🙂
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Charles Yallowitz said:
It makes a mess out of my spelling when working on a book. Beyond that the mind just wanders to weirdness.
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Ali Isaac said:
Hilarious, Nick! They really exist??? I wonder if they sell many, and whether they’re Indie books? Would a trad pub really be that brave… or stupid?
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philipparees said:
Not only do they all exist but Nicholas has clearly boosted sales since I went to look at the reviews of one and found all the others displayed under ‘People also viewed these’ Maybe that is a new way in for all of us: Write a mocking post, cause lots of interest in one, get all the others promoted?
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Ali Isaac said:
Lol! Thats amazing! We should band together and do just that!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Hey, I should ask them for a commission 😀
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coldhandboyack said:
Have you checked out the title of my epic fantasy? Some of it comes from an older version of language that keeps changing.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
See? There’s method in the madness 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
As they were published long before the Indie revolution, I think it’s safe to assume they’re trad-pub’d 🙂
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Ali Isaac said:
Ah… I see. Well, they took a chance, didnt they? Pity they’re not so willing these days…
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
There is a sort of marketing genius at work here, though. I mean, we’re discussing their books, aren’t we? 🙂
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Ali Isaac said:
That’s true! Although looking at some of those covers, its probably quite a while since someone last did that…
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Even more impressive then, that we are discussing them, isn’t it? 😉
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Ali Isaac said:
Lol! Maybe we should rethink our covers and titles…
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
My feelings exactly 😀
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Ali Isaac said:
You first!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Well, I’m already halfway there, aren’t I? Think about it: Rise of the Prince? Just change the cover to a knight with a nice codpiece, and Bob’s your uncle! Blackadder’s Russian codpiece, anyone?
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Ali Isaac said:
Lol! Beautiful! Ill buy it! Hehe!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
If only I’d known it’d be so easy to get more sales… 😀
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Ali Isaac said:
New marketing technique!
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teacherlem iglesias said:
Funniest Post Ever! Haha!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
He he, thanks 😀
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Michelle Proulx said:
Good lord. At first, as I was scrolling through these, I was making mental notes of my favorites so I could tell you. Then they kept getting better and better and all my plans went out the window. Just a glorious collection of covers. The human race is remarkable.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
If you enjoyed this, be sure to check out the two previous posts as well 🙂
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Michelle Proulx said:
I did!!! Couldn’t stop laughing. There are some seriously messed up books out there, lol.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
As I was telling Ali, I’m thinking of changing the book cover for Rise of the Prince. I’ll use a close-up of a codpiece. That should do the trick – instant best-seller! 😀
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Michelle Proulx said:
It’s my understanding that putting a semi-naked woman on the cover instantly increases sales. So maybe you should do that, lol.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
A codpiece *and* a maiden? Can it get any more cliche? Maybe, if I added a dragon… 😀
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philipparees said:
You could economise on cover design altogether and use the codpiece for several unwritten titles. ‘Low Hanging Fruit’ ‘What became of Adam?’ ‘In Defense of the Realm’ ‘The Deceiving Eye’. And you could probably write them in your sleep too!
What I can’t ‘get’ is why , with the ubiquity of ‘sex-with-everything’, it continues to sell anything?? We much have achieved a collective boredom of bottomless ( sic) ennui, to give over so easily.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – I love those titles 😀
As for your question, I’m sure that Freud is sporting a smug smile on a cloud somewhere 🙂
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philipparees said:
And Jung is pushing a scarab towards the edge of a table, and wondering whether he was wrong all along? All that mythology turned into bonkbusters!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Towards the edge of a cloud, more likely! Besides, you *are* talking to a Jungian-at-heart. The mere suspicion the great man was wrong is enough for me to throw a fit 😀
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philipparees said:
Of course we know Jung said it all. Happens no one seems to be listening.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
He did have this one dream, where he was talking to a vast audience, and, to his great surprise, they understood him. With the recent infatuation with cognitive psychology, I’m still waiting for that one to come true 😉
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Michelle Proulx said:
Reblogged this on Michelle Proulx — The Website and commented:
A glorious and ridiculous collection of awkward book covers.
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coldhandboyack said:
Good job, Nicholas. Keep them coming please.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Promise 🙂
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Jan Hawke said:
You couldn’t make these up… even if you wish you had! lol
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Absolutely! 😀
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noelleg44 said:
Where the heck do you find this stuff? Totally ridiculous and funny!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ah, the magic (and long memory) of the Internet…
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thatgirlwiththedarkhair said:
Some of these were disturbing, actually. That dad/lover one, in particular.
But I enjoyed most of these.
Here’s another I stumbled upon while browsing Amazon:http://www.amazon.com/Dancing-Jesus-Featuring-Miraculous-Moves/dp/0762444142/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1KDYFFMJ8NS2A5BMTWH9&dpID=51-rnel%2BsGL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR136%2C160_#reader_0762444142
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Nice! And it’s #3 in its subgenre, so…
I loved the first comment: “Most humans don’t realize what a terrible dancer Jesus is.” Oh dear…
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thatgirlwiththedarkhair said:
lol. Yes, I thought it was hilarious. 🙂
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www.ginabriganti.com said:
I know we’re going to love that post!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
I promise to post more if I find any 🙂
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Gina said:
Thank you. We are in your debt.
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macjam47 said:
These are hilarious. What a great way to start the day!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
And a Saturday, too! 😀
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swo8 said:
Nickolas, I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Are these books for real?
Leslie
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
As Jan pointed out, you can’t make stuff like this up if you wanted to 😀
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Jennifer Tarantini said:
Oh my gosh, these are so great! Thanks!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
So glad you enjoyed them 😀
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D. Wallace Peach said:
We borrowed “Everyone Poops” at the library. It’s a staple in the toilet-training households! Ha ha. Those titles are hysterical. I can’t believe they’re all real books. Thanks for another amazing laugh.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
See? And people thought I was making these up… 😀
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N.E. Montgomery said:
I actually own Games You Can Play With Your Pussy. Bought it when I was about ten years old. I’m very sure, in retrospect, that my parents had to work at keeping straight faces when I got home and showed it to them….
These are great! Thank you – I needed a laugh today. Sharing to Google plus…
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – poor parents 😀
Many thanks for the share!
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phoenixgrey85 said:
I’m struggling to accept that some of those are real?! Seriously? What were those publishers thinking? Gives us a chuckle though, I suppose. 🙂
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Good thing I posted the link to Amazon, then 😀
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Sue Coletta said:
Hahahaha! Honestly, I don’t know what some of these authors were thinking. Lesbian Horse Stories? Seriously??
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Now I gotta read that… 😀
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M T McGuire said:
I do love a good chuckle. Thanks.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Of course you do! That’s why you chose your sub genres, humor and sci-fi, isn’t it?
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M T McGuire said:
🙂
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D.G.Kaye said:
Thoroughly entertaining! 🙂
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
He he, glad you thought so 🙂
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jjspina said:
Too funny and outrageous for words! Thanks for sharing! Hugs!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
He he – glad you enjoyed them 😀
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Graeme Cumming said:
Reblogged this on graemecummingdotnet and commented:
I enjoy Nicholas’s blog. It can be informative and educational. Then again….
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Let's CUT the Crap! said:
I laughed so hard I fell on the floor. Hard to believe these are real. 😀 😀 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Ha ha – so glad to hear that! 😀
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Courtney M. Wendleton said:
Reblogged this on Books and More.
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Amos M. Carpenter said:
Eww, so wrong, and yet so funny! Great collection, had me grimacing, flinching, and laughing all the way through. 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Lol – my feelings exactly 😀
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Lesley Vos said:
My life will never be the same now…
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Lol – I’m so sorry 😀
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lesleyvos said:
It’s ok. It seems I’ve seen everything now 🙂
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cav12 said:
I guess there’s a book for everyone, so it seems. LOL. Funniest list I’ve seen in a long while 😀
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thanks 😀
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Tara Sparling said:
Oh, Lordy. I’m glad it’s not Monday, or else the whole week would be all kinds of wrong. Thanks, Nick 😉
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Lol – what are you talking about? It’s the perfect start to another week of crazy 😀
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Tara Sparling said:
One of these weeks, I’m going to do normal. One of these weeks. Soon.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Meh. Where’s the fun in that?
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Tara Sparling said:
I’ll try anything once…
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theowllady said:
I can’t stop laughing! These are so funny, Nicholas! But I do have one of them: Still Stripping after 25 Years by Eleanor Burns. She’s a fantastic quilt maker, too! @v@ ❤
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Lol – finally, someone who has read one of them 😀
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theowllady said:
Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.
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