I’m sure you’re as familiar with spam as I am.
I’m even more certain, that you enjoy it about as much as I do.
However, one does get used to it. I confess to even using it at times as an early-warning system for the health of my email: no spam for more than a couple of hours probably means that the server’s down.
As I regularly research marketing, most of my spam is of the “How I make over $3,647,453 per second with just my cell phone and a rubber band” variety. They usually have a subtitle like “People are getting paid gazillions of dollars just to look at porn and flick the rubber band on their privates” or something.
Speaking of porn, I also get the “Increase energy and gain more size” kind of emails. They have promised to increase my breast size (I think it’s fine just the way it is, thank you very much), or other parts of my anatomy. To make sure I understand how to use said parts of my anatomy, they often come with a title like, “Take your girl to heavens.”
I’d always assumed this was meant figuratively. Until now, that is. You see, I’ve just received a far more sinister kind of email. It starts with the following chilling words:
Do you want to hire a real assassin to kill your boss, wife, or some enemy?
Hire a hitman for only US $5000, or hire a gang member to beat up for $500 your cheating spouse, enemy or whoever you want.
If you have any questions, please contact us using the contact form on the [url] or email us on [email address].
Thanks and Best regards.
As surreal as that excerpt was, the actual email is pretty long, and includes detailed instructions on both their services and on how to discreetly reach them.
I can only assume that they’re mailing me because I’ve been researching poisons and various means of killing for Pearseus. Which makes me wonder: what is the Inbox of crime authors like my friend, Sue Coletta?
Come to think of it, I also wonder: what kinds of searches has the missus been running? Hmm…