Once again, it was my friend, Krystallia, who alerted me to the awesome creativity of Melissa Ng (pronounced “Eng”), creator of Lumecluster–“where dreamers find courage.”
When I saw Melissa’s amazing designs, I knew I had to share.
But when I read her post, 2018 Year in Review: On almost giving up, I decided to do more than share her tale. I’d like to share mine, too.
Introducing Melissa
Melissa Ng is the creative genius behind the Dreamer theme and style. She created Lumecluster.com to be a place where Dreamers can find the courage to push the boundaries of their imagination and overcome their fears and insecurities.
As a New York-based self-taught artist who started 3D printing in 2014, she combined a background in media and public relations with her experience as a small-business owner to create art.
Within less than a year in the 3D printing arena, Melissa won the Adobe & Shapeways 3D Printing Design Competition with her very first 3D print, helped design the aesthetics on a gorgeous 3D printed prosthetic leg, and created masks for a JiHAE music video starring The Walking Dead’s Norman Reedus among many other great distinctions.
Melissa…
Given all that success–and her stunning designs–I was shocked when the very first post I read on her blog was the one where she confesses she almost gave up last year. In her own words:
“in 2018, I felt more fragile than ever despite the empowering armor I was striving to create…because I was utterly burnt out.
Since 2014 (along with another company my sisters and I have been running since 2010), I have been working seven days a week without taking vacations. My “breaks” included meals and sleeping. I even deprived myself of fun activities because I thought I didn’t deserve them if I didn’t feel like I accomplished enough. And if I did take time off to do something else, it needed to be productive and useful in some way. I know…this is an unhealthy lifestyle that can really destroy creativity. So, why did I do it?
Because I felt guilty.
Guilty for creating “carefree” art when other people were doing “real work.”
Guilty for finding some joy in creating things that the people around me thought was “useless.”
Guilty for pursuing something I loved when other people “didn’t have that luxury.”
Yes, that’s what some of the people in my real life in New York were telling me. And yes, it hurts so much more than some nasty online comment because they are coming from people I personally knew.”
…and me
Melissa then goes on to explain how a support network helped her overcome these negative feelings (you should read her full post, if only for the gorgeous photos). And she reaches the point where her words rang only too familiar:
“[A friend] encouraged me to build a better support system before I really harmed my mental and physical health… and before I started hating the very work I loved.”
This part made me do a double take. Since 2013, when I published my first book, I’ve been trying to build an author career. Along the way, I’ve had you, the readers of this blog, support me. However, I, too, found myself in need of further support. And I, too, found 2018 my most exhausting year todate. Despite several successes, not least of signing a contract with Patakis to publish my children’s books, I was burnt out.
On burning out
I’ve alluded to this in the past but I don’t normally mention how bad it was at times. The joy writing used to give me was largely gone, buried under a pile of sheer exhaustion. In the end, it came down to a simple choice: between keeping the family fed and happy, and holding on to my dream of a creative career. Burning the midnight oil every single night was taking too large a toll on all of us. It was time to acknowledge the simple fact that I’m no longer in my twenties: I can only do so much in a day. I needed to reclaim my weekends and afternoons, spend more quality time with the family, and increase my income.
So, it saddens me to admit that I haven’t done much writing since 2017. I’ve started half a dozen projects but never have the time to make any real progress with them.
For a while, I’d start the day with the best of intentions: write for an hour or so, then work on other stuff. But every morning, “real life” would barge in, making a mockery of my plans. I now write whenever I get some (elusive) free time, one chapter (or short story) at a time. And I’ve stopped berating myself for that. I can only do so much, and I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
This last part is particularly important to me. Somehow, I managed to keep my guilt at bay. I’m doing the best I can–and that’s all anyone can ask of me (or anyone).
After all, it’s a Catch 22, isn’t it? Until my books can earn enough to let me focus on them, I can’t do so. But unless I do so, my books can’t earn enough. Maybe someday I’ll be able to both focus fulltime on my books and have enough free time to enjoy my family. To do a lot of things I can only dream of at the moment.
Maybe that moment will come sooner. Or it may come later. Or it may not come at all.
I’ve learned to be okay with that and to reign in my impatience. Had I not done so, I, too, would have ended up hating my writing. And that’s the last thing I want.
But I also want to acknowledge that I wouldn’t have made it this far without your support. So, I wish to say a big ‘thank you’ to all of you, and to everyone who has supported me in this journey. Or, as Melissa eloquently puts it:
Yes, we are all in the arena actively fighting for our own paths in life, claiming victories where we can, and recovering from our failures along the way. But it’s a wonderful feeling knowing that there’s the chance to cross paths with others who are looking to build and find even greater adventures together…and maybe help patch up each other’s wounds every now and then.
Thank you for sharing my journey with me. And to anyone struggling out there, remember: you’re not alone!
harmonykent said:
Thanks for such a helpful and honest post, Nicholas. I’ve been there … still am. And when I get burnt out, those old demons of low self-confidence sneak in. It’s a constant juggle between time, energy, and (for me) health, as well as our significant others and daily life. The last six months, I set a really low word count and stopped as soon as I reached that. It saves me from writing to failure (until my muse runs out of steam). And 500 words a day takes hardly any time. This will be the longest it’s ever taken me to finish a novel, but at least I will finish this time. Unlike all those part writtens stuck in my zombie hard drive, lol. Keep going. You write because you love it. Even just a hundred words a day adds up. Reblogged this on: https://harmonykent.co.uk/a-masters-self-doubt/
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thank you, Harmony! Right now, I can’t manage 100 most days day, let alone 500, but I know what you mean 🙂
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brilliantviewpoint said:
Thank you for sharing this article. My daughter is studying for a Master’s degree in prosthetics, how wonderful to see the beautifully designed prosthetic leg. This woman has a gift for art, it’s hard when there are not enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do… I understand her exhaustion.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Her art is amazing! I don’t know if you saw the gauntlet videos on her website; they’re so flexible!
I actually maintain a blog on prosthetics on behalf of a client. If your daughter ever wants to write a guest post, she’s more than welcome 🙂
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brilliantviewpoint said:
Yes, her work is amazing, so beautiful.
WHAT prosthetic Blog is that?
And thank you, I will let her know. Right now, she is still studying and then has to do residency, but maybe she could write a post on that process. 🙂 THANKS for the inspiration.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Super! The blog is on http://www.rehabline.gr. Most posts are in Greek at the moment, but I’ve been looking for ways to include some posts in English as well.
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brilliantviewpoint said:
Ok… thank you, I will pass on to her.
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brilliantviewpoint said:
WOW, that is a fantastic website. THANK YOU!
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brilliantviewpoint said:
Oh… what would be best way for her to contact you? Through your website, contact form?
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Yes, please. Just use the contact form on this website: http://nicholasrossis.me/contact/
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brilliantviewpoint said:
Ok, thank you.
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Staci Troilo said:
Writing is a vicious cycle. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone in our feelings and frustrations. Thank you for sharing your journey, and know that I’m in your corner.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
I know and really appreciate it. Thank you 🙂
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Sue Vincent said:
The flow of ideas won’t diminish with time… but time missed with your young family now will never come again and is too soon over. Write when you can… and live each day while you can.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
That’s a great outlook, Sue. Thank you 🙂
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Sue Vincent said:
🙂
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rijanjks said:
Amazing artistic expression – both in art and words! Thank you for sharing, Nicholas! I can relate to all of it!
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thank you, Jan 🙂
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kimwrtr said:
Reblogged this on Kim's Musings.
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DebyFredericks said:
I’m glad you found the strength to adjust and continue writing. Funny, I also had moments of doubt in 2018. Self-doubt isn’t a big problem for me, and I tend to do what I’ve decided no matter what people say. (And I have to say, choosing to surround yourself with people who are positive and believe in your writing can be a huge tactic to overcome doubt.)
But, I felt like my career wasn’t where I wanted it to be. Not so much with the income, but in terms of recognition. I thought about quitting out of frustration with that. In the end, though, I couldn’t imagine not writing. I had just finished a 38K novella and plan for at least 1 more.
Instead, I decided to get more serious about publicity for my books. I’ve revamped my web site, author newsletter, blog, and social media to coordinate more. If anyone follows me in more than one place, they’ll see a repetition of message. Repetition is supposed to be good for advertising, they say.
Maybe it won’t make a difference, but at least I’ll know I did all I could.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
That’s wonderful, Deby! I’m sure it will help a lot with the recognition you deserve 🙂
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Rachael Ritchey said:
Reblogged this on Rachael Ritchey and commented:
Gah! This, you guys. This. (and sometimes I just wish I was Nicholas Rossis. Seriously.)
Have a great weekend and keeping creating!
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Marina Costa said:
Reblogged this on Marina Costa and commented:
Worth considering…
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T. R. Robinson said:
Good to hear you have found a realistic place of peace. Very much appreciate you continuing to share all you do. Thank you.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
Thank you! Didn’t say I like this place, mind you 😉
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TiaWojo said:
I’m a blogger, and an aspiring author, but I feel cemented to the launch pad. I’ve written 4 books of my YA Fantasy Siri’s, but book 1 hasn’t found a acceptance letter yet. It’s hard to be jumping-jellybeans optimistic, when it seems like everybody and their momma is writing YA Fantasy. I learned a lot from your blog about promoting, but at the same time, it was kind of depressing to read that information. I’m blind, and promoting a book is all visual. I dread how much of an annoying pest I’ll have to be, to get others to help me with book promotions. I started blogging again, a month ago. Of course, I don’t expect miracles, after only a month. But it’s discouraging when my blog promotions on Facebook and Twitter only get likes, but don’t attract new blog followers. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for sharing Melissa’s post! It was exactly what I needed to read. It was so inspiring, and encouraging, and relatable. When it comes to trying to get my writing out there, it’s hard to not be a winy big baby about it. So I’m going to save this awesome post as a reminder, that a heap of cow shit CAN blossom into a heavenly flower bed.
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
I’m not pretending to understand how hard it must be for you. However, I do know a thing or two about rejection and the feeling that you’re treading water. I’ve discovered it happens to all of us at times, and I’m happy my post helped inspire and encourage you!
As for the challenges of promoting while blind, all you need is a good assistant. Krystallia has been helping me for a while now and is pretty inexpensive. She’s been helping with everything, from my ads to my social media. I’d be happy to introduce her to you, if you wish!
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TiaWojo said:
Wow! Really? That would be great. However, I would just like to know what her website is, just for now. My first book is still in the process of getting published. So there’s nothing to promote yet. How much does she charge? In the hundreds or thousands?
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
She doesn’t have a website but her prices are normally just a couple of hundreds for hings like that.
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TiaWojo said:
OK well then I would like you to introduce her to me. How would this work out? Through phone or e-mail? Or Skipe or What’s App? If by phone, does she live in the US? Say, if I do end up working with her, does she have a Pay Pal Account?
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Nicholas C. Rossis said:
She does have a Paypal account. Just drop her an email on krystalliabooks@gmail.com 🙂
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