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Seeing how much you enjoyed my recent post, Funny Similes and Metaphors, here’s another one for you. This one’s courtesy of Writer’s Relief, which hosted a metaphor competition. Here are the results. I hope you like them!

More Funny Similes and Metaphors

First of all, what’s the difference between the two?

The definition of a metaphor is (loosely) a figure of speech that suggests an analogy between objects or ideas. Metaphor example: He was a fish out of water.

The definition of a simile is a figure of speech that compares two unlike things, usually preceded by “like” or “as.” Simile example: She swims like a fish.

Cross-eyed cat - similes and metaphors | From the blog of Nicholas C. Rossis, author of science fiction, the Pearseus epic fantasy series and children's book

So here are some good ones:

  • She was tougher than titties on a turtle.
  • Busier than a one-armed clown making balloon animals at a kid’s party.
  • I was busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
  • Busy as a cat trying to cover poop on a tin roof.
  • She thought she had gained weight as in the shower it now took her 30 mins to get her feet wet.
  • She has more excuses than a pregnant nun.
  • Talking to him was as frustrating as eating a hamburger with freshly painted nails.
  • He was as crestfallen as a crested egret whose crest had fallen off.
  • He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.
  • He rolled out of bed like a fruit fly stuck in honey.
  • He could barely squeeze through the opening. I was akin to a poodle passing a Pepsi can.
  • He had more problems than a math book.
  • It was like Schrodinger’s cat. Or was it?
  • She was so skinny she had to jump around in the shower to get wet.
  • Her face looked like a Pekingese trying to understand French.
  • The night smacked him in the face like the nose of a playful black lab.
  • Her eyes were like robin eggs hatching a plan.
  • The new baby’s hair stuck out like tiny daggers trapped in a frightened bathing cap.
  • His teeth looked like an unpainted picket fence with some of the boards rotting.
  • His touch was as delicate as that of a welding robot.
  • There were so many piercings in his face it looked like he’d been in an argument with a nail gun–and lost.
  • Her two front teeth looked like a couple of Chiclets that weren’t on speaking terms.
  • Her singing voice was bluer than the toes of a barefoot field goal kicker.
  • She had more curves than a roller coaster.
  • Her leopard-skin mini-skirt stuck to her voluptuous body like shrink-wrap to a rump roast.
  • Her dress fit her body like a yellow line curving around a mountain highway.
  • His temper brewed like a hot cup of coffee.
  • Her eyes flashed with all the excitement of a pig sneaking into a fat farm.

Bonus entries (not really metaphors but people included them there and I couldn’t resist sharing):

  • It’s a tough road to hoe.
  • The beautiful child was the center of attention, with his golden curls and tuna fish complexion.
  • We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.
  • Her dress left little room for imagination — or lunch.
  • He was a superman, soaring powerfully through life, anchored firmly by his umbilical cord.
  • “So I just laid all my eggs on the table…”
  • He grabbed her and said, “Look me in the eye and tell me you love me!” As she had crossed eyes, he didn’t know what to believe.