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I came across a great thread on Facebook the other day and it got me thinking. A (male) writer was asking the following question:
I have a female character looking at herself in the mirror. First naked then in a white nightdress which shows her figure. She is a very attractive one and has an athletic body if this helps. My question is, what do you mainly look at when looking in the mirror?
Writers Are Funny
My favorite answer came from another man: “I often find scenes written by the opposite sex are worlds apart. Male authors tend to over-sexualize and female authors simply don’t have a clue what many men are thinking. My wife looks in the mirror and sees a hundred invisible faults; I look at the mirror and decide it needs straightening.”
My second-favorite answer came from a woman: “Have her pause for a moment and think to herself, “Some godawful male author would have cringey things to say about me right about now,” and then she laughs and goes on with her day.”
And my third-favorite one was, “Molly passed the mirror where she caught a glimpse of her firm luscious curves, now wet and glistening from dripping hair. She saw stars in her eyes. No… not stars at all. She wondered where those white spots on the mirror came from and if she had any windex to remove them later. She put the towel up to her hair and began rubbing her supple breasts to dry them when she remembered that she forgot to switch the laundry from the washer. She would have to run the load again. It was at this point that she saw it in the mirror, tan and hard, the cat had vomited in the corner. She would need to clean that up too. She remembered she needed to put lunch money in her kids’ book bags. She then thought about how bookbags are heavy and make for bad posture. She made a mental note to add a posture correcter to her Amazon cart. She smelled lovely from the shampoo but as she looked in the mirror she saw smoke coming from the kitchen and her nose filled with an acrid smell. “Oh sh**! My bagels! “ she screamed as she ran through the cat vomit.”
None of which actually answers the question, of course!
Show, Don’t Tell. But How?
The question generated some 300 comments before the OP turned off comments. Most were by women complaining about the silliness of his premise. And I agree with that, to be honest. A woman may check her makeup or dress to make sure it fits nicely but (in my experience as a married man of some 30 years) she won’t observe her slender hips, athletic body, silky hair, or hazel eyes! If anything, she’ll complain about the (usually imaginary) weight she’s put on, check for imperfections, and make sure there’s nothing stuck between her teeth. That sort of thing.
Most people who answered the actual question said the same thing: what women (or anyone else, for that matter) look at when looking in the mirror depends on the situation. If getting ready for a hot date, it makes sense that a woman may check out her figure. A teen may stress over a zit. And a man may grumble about his five-o-clock shadow and wonder if he needs to shave for the second time in a day.
However, the question raises a great point. We’re supposed to show, not tell. Most amateur writers (case in point above) will have them stare into the mirror and describe what they see there. But we’ve established how wildly unrealistic that is by now, haven’t we?
So, how do you describe your character in full detail without telling?
Brilliant post, Nicholas. Great points.
I suppose, if she has big hips, have her handbag catch the top of a hip as she walks.
Or narrow hips … the toddler or laundry basket keeps slipping, and it takes all her arm strength to hold him or it.
Or long, fine hair … the wind whips it into her eyes as soon as she steps outside.
Or he’s real short … for the umpteenth time today, his nose gets shoved into some sweaty guy’s tits in the rush-hour crowd.
As you point out so well, showing is always better than telling. Even another character describing first character’s attributes smacks of telling.
Thanks for sharing! 💕🙂
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Ooh, I love these, especially since you avoid the dreaded mirror!
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💖
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I don’t agree that showing is always better than telling. Surely it’s easier to just say, she has narrow hips… otherwise the reader has to painstakingly work it out. That said, women mostly stand in front of the mirror for two reasons. They’re looking at their flaws and wishing they’d go away, or they’re thinking, god that’s magnificent!
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Lol – I have yet to meet a woman who’s on the “magnificent” camp but I hope they’re out there! As for showing vs telling, I agree completely. I think this has been taken to the extreme, with often hilarious results.
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Oh good…a fellow member of the resistance 🙂
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Reblogged this on Kim's Musings.
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Yes, that was my thought when reading this. No one looks in a mirror and describes themselves.
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Hence my predicament!
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Great topic. I always try to describe a couple of things, then let the readers fill in the gaps. If something is important I go a little deeper.
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I’m like you. Indeed, with Toasters, I realized I hadn’t described my heroine for the first half-dozen chapters or so!
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I gave my MC in The Hat a long face and dishwater blonde hair. Readers could take it from there.
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Fun post. Best to leave mirrors out of our stories. Just don’t need them. Thanks for the post.
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Yeah, mirrors tend to scream “newbie” in most cases. Although Christine’s writing would be an exception to the rule!
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I once had a character meet her best friend and, as they were standing side by side looking at something, reflect on how different their appearances were. It seemed to work. 😉
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That’s brilliant, Rick! Thanks for the idea!
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I’m encountering more abbreviations I’m not familiar with: what’s an OP, Nicholas? Cheers, Jon.
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Apologies, Jon! On social media sites, OP usually stands for “original poster” or “original post.” The person who creates a post that others are now replying to is the OP. So when someone says OP in this context, they’re referring to the person who made the original post, or to the original post itself
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No worries, Nicholas, and thanks. There’s always something new to learn! 😀
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I did write a short story where someone caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror as she passed it in the hallway and realised she was getting old. But she didn’t stand and describe her rinkles and grey hair, though, so I think I got away with it. It was only a glimpse she had.
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Sounds good to me, as I do the same more often that I like to admit!
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Oops! Poor proofreading. I meant wrinkles, of course.
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A most interesting post, Nicholas. For me, the easiest way to describe a character is through someone else’s eyes and thoughts.
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That works fine, unless you’re going for a first person, deep PoV.
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I would never describe anyone looking into a mirror, unless it was crucial to the plot. I like to describe my characters by how others see them, not as they see themselves. And I have no problem with ‘Tell’, never have. Another rule ‘made-up’ by editors, in my not so humble opinion. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Couldn’t agree more, Pete!
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My approach is to pick one or two details and let the rest go by.
Those details can be couched in a way that does double duty. Using your example of the five o’clock shadow, the character might give all kinds of information. That he’s grown the two-day stubble as a fashion statement. That he’s homeless, living in the woods. That he’s been held in a dungeon without hygiene.
Writers who focus on the superficial details miss an opportunity to build inner character in the same number of words as outer appearance.
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That’s the best way to do it, Deby! Well done!
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